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 I looked up “drop dead gorgeous” on Wikipedia today and this is what popped up. Obviously, women like these don’t just grow on trees. You know the kind. When they walk into a room, people weep at their beauty. Chiropractors grow rich as men SNAP their heads around when they pass on the street. Their parents constantly get thank-you notes from grateful guys.
So what does the woman of your dreams have to do with housekeeping? Well, my man, you may catch her eye with your BMW, impress her with your washboard abs and Ferragamo shoes, charm her with your witty banter, win her heart with candlelit dinners, and seal the deal with a big, fat diamond. But the key to keeping her for the long run is you – yes, you – pitching in on the housework.
Surveys show that over half of all couples fight about housekeeping. On top of that, university studies reveal that men who clean are more sexually attractive to their mates. Relationships improve when the guy contributes to a clean, uncluttered environment. Love is in the air, along with the scent of Lemon Pledge.
Bottom line: cleaning the house is easier than marriage counseling, and it’s MUCH cheaper than divorce.
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 Owning fewer material possessions is really liberating. It means having less stuff to dust, maintain, move around, put gas into, store, pay monthly fees on, block your view, trip over, break, malfunction, wear out and get lost. Keep in mind that your wife is sharing all these fruits of capitalism, too, whether she wants to or not.
If you’re one of those guys who just likes to “have” things, you won’t care about all that. But remember, there’s only so much stuff they can shovel into your casket with you. (Being buried in one of your Jags, however, will give you more space for other possessions.)
Next week: how to purge.
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 Here’s my dog Coco driving her cigarette boat last summer. Hates vacuums, loves cigarette boats. Go figure. She had a tough puppyhood but hit the dog lottery when I got her off the mean streets. In return she gives me a lot of love and laughs, plus an excuse to tell you three things:
To remove pet urine from carpeting, get after it ASAP. Flush with water, then apply a 50/50 white vinegar/water mixture. Blot dry. If spot remains, apply a solution of ¼ teaspoon dishwashing liquid and one cup water. Blot again. Reapply vinegar solution, let sit for 5 minutes, blot until dry. Tedious but effective. Pet stores also sell enzymatic cleaners, but the home remedy is cheaper.
Fight puppy mills – mass breeding operations which can be a cruel and irresponsible.
If you truly love dogs, please get one from a certified dog rescue facility (find many online), the pound, or the humane society. Don’t be afraid to get a mutt or an older dog. You’ll be richly rewarded in love and karma.
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I asked a divorced female friend for her thoughts on what impact housekeeping might have on a relationship. Her response, which she said she thought she could jot down in just a few sentences, turned into a lengthy, face-melting diatribe. Here’s a small but meaningful part of it:
 “A husband (or boyfriend) stops being a fully functioning, sexy, capable adult when he does not voluntarily share in simple household chores. He becomes a child – specifically a son – who must be continually asked, cajoled, bribed, reminded and scolded to do his fair share of the chores. Leaving dirty socks and underwear on the floor, forgetting to replace the empty toilet paper roll, and ignoring requests to take out the garbage, empty the dishwasher or remove clothes from the dryer are just a few of the many everyday tasks which, when left undone, provoke resentment and anger.
“Withholding sex? Absolutely. In the context of housekeeping, a woman can’t and won’t make love to her “son,” and this really erodes a relationship’s foundation.”
Ouch, squared! My hair just burst into flames! After that tirade, any further commentary is unnecessary.
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 Relationship riddle: What does a woman really want her man to be? A good provider? A mate with washboard abs who’s great in bed and cuddles afterwards? A man who shares housekeeping duties without being nagged? All are desirable. But lots of female friends and articles on the topic say women rank a man who listens and communicates right up there, too.
Women’s biggest beef about men is that we don’t listen.* Life coach/author Richard Leider adds: “When men are asked to name their most committed listener, 99 percent either pick their wives or say they don’t have one. When women are asked, 99 percent say it’s one of their women friends.”
I think the 99 percent figures are way high, but it’s still interesting. Just remember: When women vent, they’re not looking for solutions…they just want you to listen and show them you understand how they feel.
*From The Illustrated, Essential Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus
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 Are you always the go-to guy for your kids, your spouse, even your friends and neighbors, when they need someone to do them a time-consuming solid? Like, “Dad, can you drive me and Ashlee, Madissyn, Kandace, Fayth, Patrizia, Glaureya, Stacii, Emmillee and Kymberleigh to the mall?”
It’s great that you’re usually willing to help people out, but hey, what are you, Santa? They love you like a farmer loves his cows – until you stop giving milk, at which point you’re off to McDonald’s, but on the wrong side of the menu. You don’t even always have time to do the things you want to do, let alone being everyone else’s errand boy.
First, tell them that you have to check your schedule. Then, consult your Blackberry or your notebook, take a moment to scan the contents, and say, “Sorry, just can’t do it this time.” They’ll live, find other options, and move on. And you’ll have discovered that people can take no for an answer!
Don’t worry, this is not being a jerk. Actually, you’re saving your time and your favors for the person to whom you really want to give them, the one who really counts, your 24/7 companion, she who can dole out generous measures of pain or pleasure at will, and for the rest of your lives. You know who I’m talkin’ about.
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 Frequently in relationships, an irresistible force (her anger, disgust, puzzlement, shock, awe or selective memory) meets an immovable object (your deeply-ingrained bad habits, ignorance, half-hearted execution, misguided judgement, forgetfulness, lack of commitment…believe her, you’ve got a million of ‘em).
These events are commonly called “fights,” and they have a good chance of occurring over a housekeeping issue, since over half of all couples fight about cleaning their home. In other words, why she always does more of it, why you never do it right, why you are continually blind to the beauty of hospital corners, etc.
Anyhoo, you’ll want to approach any housekeeping-based smackdown with Buttercup carefully, because what might at first seem to be a “win” for you will most likely be paid back with lots of long-term pain. And where I come from, that’s called a “loss.”
These simple tips may help you fight right – that is, so both of you win.
• Don’t dig up ugly memories. Using them as weapons will only distract you from the issue at hand, so stay on topic!
• Control your anger. Avoid threats and name-calling, a tactic that needlessly turns up the heat without moving you toward a solution. Instead, keep things civil and respectful by, for example, taking turns talking and listening.
• Don’t walk out in a huff. Even though she might be out-talking you, don’t withdraw or retreat. This is a big red flag that says, “one divorce, comin’ right up.” Instead, tell her you want to avoid conflict while trying to resolve the issue.
It’s all worth a try if you want to minimize strife with the wife, especially when you’re rumbling over something as easy to fix as your housekeeping ability, or lack of it. Click around this site and find out how to do it all more quickly and easily. You’ll be her hero.
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 Like millions of other lads who leave the nest every year, my college roommates and I were clueless about housekeeping. We swept the carpet with a broom (no vacuum cleaner). Dishes piled up in the sink until someone was shamed into washing them. I personally slept on top of my bedspread in a sleeping bag to avoid ever having to remake the bed. And the dust bunnies were humoungous.
Mommy!
Happily, hitting bottom changed my attitude toward housecleaning. From then on I read books, learned from girlfriends, and when I traveled for business, often watched hotel maids work (it made them nervous, but I learned a lot).
Now it’s your turn to learn, live in a cleaner place, and improve your relationship. Read The Men Commandments to get up to speed on housekeeping basics and make everything faster and easier. ‘Cause face it, man…mom’s gone and she ain’t comin’ back.
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 Don’t get me wrong: I love my dog Coco unconditionally. But being a biological creature, she sheds, gets sick, and goes to the bathroom…sometimes in the house. If you own a land shark too, the following advice will come in handy.
Shedding
• The upholstery brush tool on a vacuum hose quickly removes fur on carpeted stairs and upholstery.
Lower-tech option: brush fur to one spot using a cotton terry cloth, then pick it up.
Stains
• Treat all stains ASAP.
• For urine and other stains: First scrape if needed, blot the spot with a cotton cloth, apply a pet stain/odor remover spray, blot again and repeat as needed.
• Mudprints? Scrape up as much as possible, spray with stain remover, blot repeatedly. Or let dry, vacuum, and treat with stain remover.
• Prevent the dingy, crime-scene body outline dogs may leave in their favorite spot on the carpet by laying down a rug or pad there.
P.S. – While dogs rock, puppy mills do NOT! RESCUE A DOG TODAY! Save a life and get a friend for life.
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 GUEST BLOGGER: “This is the right book for the right times”
Comments by “Married to a MESS” – posted on AMAZON, Sept. 2009
This book has it all. Cleverly written with FAST FACTS for men to learn how to clean something (or more likely) CLEAN UP a stain, spill, soil, burn, or other manly mess in the blink of an eye. Plus it eases the tension when he YET AGAIN, spills his beer or whatever. I can guarantee you, this book can give harmony to your home again by letting the man of the house make a mess and not be ridiculously stupid about how to clean it up WITHOUT ASKING FOR HELP. If you have a person in your life (be it man woman or child) that just cant help but MAKE A MESS…do yourself a favor and RUN TO AMAZON and get this book.
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I looked up “drop dead gorgeous” on Wikipedia today and this is what popped up. Obviously, women like these don’t just grow on trees. You know the kind. When they walk into a room, people weep at their beauty. Chiropractors grow rich as men SNAP their heads around when they pass on the street. Their parents constantly get thank-you notes from grateful guys.
